The Micro-Punk Handbook

Fight the Power in Your Everyday Life

If you hate capitalism and exclusionary politics but aren't prepared to throw a brick at a cop (yet), here are some basic anti-establishment tips to serve as your starting point. If you're already itching to risk it all and spraypaint riot helmet visors, I want very badly to be your friend but this guide probably has nothing to offer you.

Updated daily-ish; check back later.

To suggest new tips, ask questions, or just say hi (The Man hates when we get connected): pickeraparter@proton.me

1. USE COMMON SENSE. Not every tip will serve you or be applicable in every situation. Call me a square, but I categorically do not endorse jeopardizing your job, home, or bodily safety based on something you read here.


2. Register to vote as a Republican. It's gonna mess with redistricting. It's gonna mess with poll results. Outreach and campaigning resources will be wasted on you. Vote for the least repugnant candidate in the primaries, then vote for whoever you want in the general election anyway. Note the following:

   • There are valid criticisms against so-called "strategic voting." Research the term and follow your gut. Critical thinking and self-determination are punk as fuck.
   • You can switch parties at any time, but where I live you have to register 29 days before an election in order to vote in it.
   • This tactic is most effective when your preferred party is incumbent, as you can only vote in the primary for the party you're registered with (in most states).
   • Impact will be higher in local elections. Even if you choose to play it straight in general elections, it may still make sense to switch for the years in between.


3. UPDATE: Be the worst worker imaginable. Naturally ignore this if you're self-employed, working for a mom-and-pop shop that treats you right, or doing something you're passionate about*. But if you're a corporate stooge like me, here's how to cause as much damage as possible while still collecting a check:

   This guide turned out to be quite long, so I split it up into two levels.

   • LEVEL 1: INDIRECT. "Based on universal opportunities to make faulty decisions, adopt a non-cooperative attitude, and induce others to follow suit...The citizen saboteur should discover what kinds of fault decisions are normally found in their kind of work and widen the margin of error."
   • LEVEL 2: QUITE DIRECT (Coming Soon) "The weapons of the citizen-saboteur are the materials they might normally be expected to possess...the targets are objects to which they have normal and inconspicuous access in everyday life."


4. If you see someone shoplifting, no you didn't. Especially if it's food, baby supplies, etc. In fact, borrow from corporate chains yourself if you can manage it. Ask an employee for some empty boxes as if you were moving, stack 'em in a cart, and then slip stuff between the layers of cardboard on your way back to the front of the store. This may be the only redistribution of wealth we see in our lifetime.


5. If your WFH job is returning to office, they WANT you to quit. Companies that switched to WFH during the pandemic continued to hire over the same time period. Now they need to downsize to pre-pandemic levels but layoffs have bad optics. Productivity and "company culture" are bullshit. Consider this:

   1. WE ALL QUIT: Headlines say young Americans are too entitled to handle RTO and "nobody wants to work anymore." Only the most loyal or passive workers stay with the company. Payroll expenses go way down. WFH jobs become scarce or disappear entirely as more companies realize they can get away with this.
   2. NOBODY QUITS: The company, whose bluff was called, scrambles to fit too many employees into too few desks. It must now lay off thousands of workers who are now eligible for severance or other compensation. The press will be overwhelmingly negative (except Forbes, who will somehow praise corporations anyway) and stock prices will dip. You find a new job anyway.


6. Ask right-wingers to explain the things they claim to believe. Thanksgiving draws near, and many of you will share a table with people who voted against your rights. There are very good reasons not to make yourself the villain or invite retaliation, especially if you're not white/straight/cis/etc. That said, if you can't let the anti-intellectual bullshit slide this year, enjoy these useful responses to some common dinner-ruiners:

   • *disgusting joke* - I don't get it. Can you explain the joke? Don't let them change the subject.
   • *mentions woke, socialism, communism etc.* - What does that word actually mean?
   • *MAGA* - When was America great? Give me a year.
   • *condemns violent revolt/destruction of private property* - So true; just because it worked for the founding fathers doesn't mean anyone should do it today.
   • *Trump will be good for the economy* - Oh good, I was hoping someone could explain his specific policies. You have the floor. Go ahead.


7. Reprogram traffic signs to say whatever you want. Slightly higher risk level, but untraceable as long as you wear gloves and aren't seen. Compose your message in advance (3 lines, 8 chars each) and be conscious of unintended outcomes.

   


8. Remove the middle bar from most public benches. Maybe we can't dismantle the state yet, but we can dismantle anti-homeless architecture. Even better if you steal the allen wrench, but keep in mind that Home Depot has gnarly loss prevention.