___     ___     ___     _ _     ___  
   \\    | _ |   | _ )   |   |   | | |   |   |   // 
  \\ //    |   |   | _ \   | | |   | | |    | |    \\ //
  \\ // \\    |_|_|   |___/   |___|   |___|   _|_|_   // \\ //
  // \\ //  _|"""""|_|"""""|_|"""""|_|"""""|_|"""""|  \\ // \\
  // \\  "`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'  // \\
     //  =======================================   \\
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Who am I?

I am the Picker-Aparter (he/him), on account of I pick things apart. Usually my victims are movies but stories in all forms are at risk of vivisection by my hand.

Likes: Horror, the Eyewitness Video intro, my wife, taking a nice Wiki Walk through TVTropes after taking an edible(?)

Dislikes: Cops, billionaires, car-centric infrastructure, single-use plastics, planned obsolescence, landlords, for-profit healthcare, union-busting, private prisons, company culture, glorification of exploitative plutocrats, lifted trucks, text that's too small to read, jokes that are too long, people who copy and paste small text so they can read it in another window, unripe pears

I am extremely shy online, but I'm beyond excited to meet all of you and form a new web together. Please don't hesitate to reach out and show me the cool stuff you made.

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What is this site?

It's a personal site with two primary design goals:

1. Use CSS mindfully

To be specific, CSS will be for flavor rather than structure. Anything that can be achieved with pure HTML will be. Once a functional page is built, I may consider sprucing it up with CSS (link to the CRT effect I nabbed for this page). Here's my reasoning:

  1. Limitations foster creativity, and creativity is everything
  2. CSS incentivizes the use of non-semantic HTML elements like <div>, which are useful but not easy to read
  3. To that point, I hadn't mastered HTML before learning CSS - now I'm finally catching up
  4. After a few dozen defined classes and IDs, debugging a CSS file feels a bit like this:

2. Total weight < 1MB

This is a much more arbitrary guideline - see above RE: limitations. I just think it's neat that my entire site can fit on a single 3.5-inch floppy disk.

I also can't cheat by linking to assets hosted elsewhere (with the notable exception of the Guestbook). Every image, font, and script contributes to the overall weight. Did you know that a single letter of plaintext is 2 bytes? The characters on this page prior to the sentence you're reading now weigh almost 4KB together, about the same as the picture alone. Crazy, right?

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     _  ___      _  
|  ||_)| | ||\ |/_` 
|/\|| \| | || \|\_> 
                            
                            
 _  _  _  __   _  _  _    __ _ ___ _ 
| `| || \|_   |_)|_)| | ||_ / ` | |_`
|_,|_||_/|__  |  | \|_|\/|__\_, | ._|

I suffer from a persistent psychological phenomenon that prevents me from simply enjoying movies and TV. It drives my fiancee crazy. Anyway, I learned some stuff about story structure and you can read about it.

CSS is banned but JavaScript still sneaks in from time to time. I made some games and webtools for your enjoyment, usually centering around alcohol in some way.